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Too Old to Trick or Treat, Too Young to Die

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"Too Old to Trick or Treat, Too Young to Die" is the 55th episode and 4th episode of the third season of That '70s Show.

SynopsisEdit

The gang share a strange Halloween, complete with comic spoofs of several Alfred Hitchcock movies, including Psycho, The Birds, Rear Window, Vertigo, and North by Northwest. Eric has vertigo after falling off the garage roof, Fez and Hyde spy on the Pinciottis, thinking Bob killed Midge, while Donna wants to prove Eric she's not boring. Meanwhile, Kitty and Laurie have a hard time feeding a neighbor's birds and a paperboy whom Red forgot to pay mistakes Kelso for someone in the Forman family and stalks him.

CastEdit

StarringEdit

Also StarringEdit

  • Jordy Masterson as Paperboy

TriviaEdit

  • Hitchcock movies parodies include Rear Window, Psycho, North by Northwest, The Birds, and Vertigo.
  • The title of this episode is a reference to the 1976 Jethro Tull album, Too Old To Rock and Roll Too Young To Die.
  • Fez is dressed as Dr Frank-n-Furter from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, which was released in 1975.
  • Why would Bob say that Midge was in Chicago? He sees her moments later, and Kitty mentioned that her car had been in the driveway; did she take a bus?
  • The Cosby Show also did a whole Hitchcock-referenced bit on Halloween.

QuotesEdit

  • Hyde: Get off me, you girl! (He drops him on the ground and Eric comes out of his daze.)
  • Eric: What…what happened?
  • Kitty: Honey, you just, you just had a little touch of Vertigo there. So, just uh, stay away from heights for a while and you’ll be fine.
  • (She goes over to her first aid kit on the dresser and Kelso and Jackie walk in.)

  • (Kitty looks out the window.)
  • Kitty: Well, now, that’s strange. Midge’s car is right there, Bob said she wasn’t home. In fact, I haven’t seen her for days.
  • Hyde: Maybe she went to the store and forgot where she lived.
  • Kitty: (Laughs hysterically for a few seconds, then realizes what she’s doing.) Oh, that’s just wrong.
  • (She leaves.)
  • Eric: (claps his hands) Okay, Fez, I know what will cheer you up. (He grabs some binoculars sitting on his stool, and hands them to Fez. Then he pushes Fez’s wheelchair over to his window.) With these, you can look into the Pinciotti’s house and frequently enjoy a naked Midge, up close and personal.
  • Fez: That’s exactly how I like my naked Midges.
  • Eric: Oh, but Fez, be warned. If Bob approaches a naked Midge, look away. For the love of god, look away! Okay, let’s practice. Naked Midge, Naked Midge, Naked Midge, Naked Midge, Bob!
  • Fez: Aye! (He yanks the binoculars away from his eyes.)
  • Eric: You’re going to be okay.
  • (Eric’s room. Fez is watching Bob lug heavy garbage bags through his living room.)
  • Hyde: Hey.
  • Fez: Hi.
  • Hyde: Any sign of naked Midge yet?
  • Fez: Nope, just Bob lugging them big huge garbage bags. What do you suppose is in them?
  • Hyde: Oh, I dunno, I’m guessing…garbage?
  • Fez: Or, you know how Mrs. Kitty said she hadn’t seen Midge in a few days? What if…naked Midge is in the bags?! (He goes back to spying.)

  • (Eric’s room. Eric, Hyde, and Fez, are still spying on the Pinciotti’s house. Eric is looking through the binoculars and sees Donna dressed in a blonde wig being very mysterious.)
  • Eric: Hey, who’s the hot blonde? Oh wait a minute, that’s no hot blonde. That’s…Donna! Where is she going?
  • (Both Fez and Hyde smile)
  • Hyde: Maybe she’s going patrolling for men who don’t piss her off.
  • Eric: Oh, ha-ha-ha-ha, Hyde. That's so funny. I don’t know where she’s going, but I’m going to follow her.
  • (Eric stands up and gets his Vertigo again, and the hypnotic scene appears again. It cuts back to the room and Eric faints in Hyde’s arms again.)
  • Hyde: Would you quit doing that?!
  • (He drops him again. Eric gets up quickly and silently, puts the binoculars in Fez’s lap, and leaves. Hyde grabs the binoculars and continues spying.)
  • Hyde: Hey, I don’t know how this fits into you’re murder theory, but Bob’s wearing an apron with guts all over it and holding a big carving knife!
  • (Fez grabs the binoculars and looks. Shot shows Bob with his apron and guts and knife.)
  • Fez: He did kill Midge! And I never got to see her naked!

  • (Eric’s room. Fez is all alone. Hyde has snuck into the Pinciotti’s house. Fez is watching. We can hear his thoughts.)
  • Fez: Oh, Hyde please be careful! Go get some clues. Why aren’t you checking the garbage bags full of Naked Midge? (We see Hyde come back with two beers and he stands in the room dancing.) Ohh beers! Ahaha! He’s so funny! Oh what is he going to do? (Hyde takes off his pants to moon Fez.) Is he going to moon me? (Bob comes in. Hyde runs away.) Oh, Run, HYDE, RUN! WAIT! DON’T FORGET THE BEERS! (We see Bob with a strange look on his face and Fez gets scared and backs out of the light. Then he tries turning off the lamp and has difficulty. Eventually he does.)

  • [A man goes up to a dark room in the Formans' house, where Fez is. He tries to scare off the man using a camera's flash, but Hyde opens the light. The mysterious man is actually Bob.]
  • Fez: HELP! HELP!
  • (Hyde comes in and turns on the light.)
  • Fez: You can’t kill me like you killed Midge, you big doofy!
  • Bob: Kill Midge? I didn’t kill Midge. She’s in Chicago visiting her sister.
  • Fez: Oh, really. Then what was in the heavy garbage sacks?
  • Bob: Garbage, you idiot.
  • Hyde: Oh, well I guess that explains the giant knife, the guts all over your apron. Oh, wait, no it doesn’t!
  • Fez: Explain that, killer!
  • Bob: They were pumpkin guts. I was making Jack-o’-lanterns.
  • Fez: So, you’re hiding Midge’s body in a jack-o’-lantern. Clever plan.
  • Bob: [walks over to the window] Look, there’s Midge now. Not dead or nothing. [Fez sees Midge getting undressed]
  • Fez: Oh goody! You can go now.
  • Bob: Midgey! No! Cover yourself! (He leaves)
  • (Shot goes back to Midge undressing. Hyde starts fighting with Fez for the binoculars. Hyde then smack Fez's injured leg, causing him to scream and drop the binoculars.)

TranscriptEdit

Transcript

PhotosEdit

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