Hyde finds out a terrible truth about Samantha and a rival muffler shop might force Red into retirement. Jackie makes up a list of qualities she needs in a man and is overwhelmed when she realizes who her perfect match is.
- Mila Kunis as Jackie Burkhart
- Danny Masterson as Steven Hyde
- Laura Prepon as Donna Pinciotti
- Wilmer Valderrama as Fez
- Debra Jo Rupp as Kitty Forman
- Kurtwood Smith as Red Forman
- Josh Meyers as Randy Pearson
- Don Stark as Bob Pinciotti
- Tommy Chong as Leo (credit only)
- Jud Tylor as Samantha
- Lara Everly as Hilary
- Robert Clotworthy as Customer
- Sam McMurray as Larry
- Sam – You're my husband
- Hyde – No, I'm the guy you married because you were bored. Next time try tennis, you lunatic!
- Hyde – If I make the basket, I'll stay with Sam; if I miss, she gets the boot. (Makes a shot, which gets caught on the rim)
- Donna – God's funny
- Given Hyde's conversation with Red, he thought he WOULD end up married to someone like Sam, but not at a young age.
- Jackie's ignorance to stories is elaborated on as she didn't know how the plot of Beauty and the Beast went.
- Fez finds Jackie's moaning in her sleep enjoyable; however, he wakes her up as a gesture of kindness. What she thought of this information is up to debate, given her confused feelings.
- Hyde finds out that he's not legally married to Samantha, since she was already married to someone else.
- Given the story about Samantha's other husband, she's either really stupid or manipulative.