Kiss Of Death is the 20th episode of Season 2 on FOX comedy That '70s Show.
Synopsis
Kelso decides to break up with Laurie, but after she requests a goodbye kiss, Jackie notices and breaks up with him. Eric inadvertently runs over Donna's cat, Mr. Bonkers, and Fez is sent to the hospital after experiencing sharp, stabbing pains in his abdomen.
Recap
In the Forman driveway, Donna picks up her cat, Mr. Bonkers and sends him off to the house, then she talks to Eric about the movie that they saw. She kisses him and leaves for home; Red comes out of the house and tells Eric to put the car in the garage; Eric gets in the car, starts it and pulls forward a foot, then stops, as he's hit something. He gets out of the car, and Red comes over; they both look under the wheels of the car, and Eric realizes that he's run over Mr. Bonkers. Red comments that that is one dead cat.
In the Forman basement, Fez says if he were stranded with only one form of cheese it would be the cheese puff. Kelso, holding Jackie on his lap, starts sweet-talking with Jackie and they both call each other a little cheese puff. Jackie says that she has to go, and arranges with Kelso that he'll come over to her place at 8 p.m. tonight, then goes. Hyde comments that the two of them used to fight all the time, and Kelso says that he loves Jackie. Laurie comes in and tells Kelso that she wants to see him tonight at 8 p.m.; he tries to tell her that he's seeing Jackie, but she doesn't care and just tells him to be there at 8; she goes upstairs, and Kelso comments that his second girlfriend is no fun. Fez points out that it's a bad situation, but only for Kelso. In the Forman driveway, Eric is cleaning the spot where Mr. Bonkers was; Donna comes over and tells him that she can't find her cat, and asks if he's seen Mr. Bonkers. Eric says that he hasn't seen the cat since last night; Donna starts to talk, but all Eric hears is, "Meow, meow, meow, kill, meow..." Donna tells him that Mr. Bonkers never came home last night, and that's unusual for him, and asks Eric to let her know if he sees the cat. She leaves and Eric stares at the spot where Mr. Bonkers died, and comments that he's going to hell.
In the Forman kitchen, Hyde asks if Eric has told Donna yet; Eric says that he just felt so guilty and couldn't tell her. He then comes up with the idea that he doesn't have to tell her, and maybe she'll just think that Mr. Bonkers ran away. Red says that works, and that's what they did when... but Kitty cuts him off and tells him to be quiet. Red tells Eric that it's not hard, he just has to tell Donna that he's a cat-killer and that he murdered her cat, then starts laughing, and points out that Eric should do it with a straight face. He asks if he's the only one who finds this funny, and Kitty tells him that he is. Red points out that the cat was always messing up the yard and digging through the garbage; Laurie says that now they have Hyde to do that. Kitty tells Eric that he has to tell Donna the truth. [Scene change: Eric falls away from camera while making peace signs, Hyde jumps in the air.] In the Forman basement, Fez, Hyde and Kelso are watching TV; Fez asks Hyde which one is his favorite Angel, and Hyde says the blonde with the huge rack, and Fez agrees. Kelso tells them that he has to break up with Laurie; Hyde laughs and reminds Kelso that he told him that having two girlfriends was going to blow up in his face, and now it is. Kelso decides that once he tells Laurie how much he loves Jackie, she'll understand and just let him go; Hyde laughs at him again. Fez points out that the Angels are running in slow motion, and they all watch the screen, spell-bound; Hyde tells them that ~this~ is good TV.
In the Pinciotti kitchen, Eric comes in to talk to Donna and gives her a present: a kitten. She thinks that the kitten is cute and that Eric is sweet to give it to her, then says that she hopes that Mr. Bonkers won't get jealous. Eric tells her that that won't happen, as he accidentally killed Mr. Bonkers. He then tries to change the subject by asking what she's going to name the new kitten. Donna's angry and asks what happened, and when Eric starts to explain that he was pulling the car in to the garage last night... but that's as far as he gets. Donna points out that she asked him about Mr. Bonkers last night, and he'd said that he hadn't seen him, and that Eric knew she was worried sick about the cat, but still didn't say anything. Bob and Midge come in; Donna tells them that Eric is a lying cat-killer and leaves the kitchen. Eric tells Bob and Midge that it was an accident, and Midge says that she certainly hopes so, as Mr. Bonkers never did anything to Eric. In the Forman kitchen, Kelso tells Laurie that they're through; he says that he doesn't want to hurt Jackie and doesn't want to cheat on her any more. Laurie says okay, then suggests that they go to her room for sex; Kelso initially says yes, but then says no, he's done with cheating on Jackie, and Laurie sees that he really means it. As she talks to him, she sees Jackie come in through the garage; she tells Kelso that she's willing to let him go if he'll give her one more good-bye kiss. Kelso says okay, and kisses her as Jackie watches through the kitchen door; she opens it and yells at Kelso, and then runs off. Kelso tries to explain, but she doesn't stay to listen; Laurie smirks at him and says, "Wow, how ironic, huh?"
In the Forman basement, Jackie comes in and tells Eric that she saw Kelso kissing Laurie, then adds that Kelso is a rat. Eric acts surprised, as do Hyde and Fez. Jackie tells them that it's over between her and Kelso; Fez asks her to define "over" and she says that they're through forever; she starts listing all the bad things that Kelso has done to her, like making out with Pam Macy and setting her house on fire; Hyde points out that those are only the things that she knows about. Jackie leaves; Fez tells the gang that he's going to make Jackie his, and starts towards the door, then bends over in pain. He tells the gang that his guts are bursting with love. In the hospital, in the circle, Eric tells Fez that Kitty says it's his appendix, and comments that Fez must be in a lot of pain. Fez says that he's not, because he's taken some pills. Kelso says that he wishes he could take some pills that would take away his pain and make him forget about Jackie, and Hyde says that if those pills existed, he'd take them too, then tells Kelso that this is what he gets for trying to do the right thing. Fez tells the guys that he's not wearing anything under his hospital gown and shows them; Eric agrees that it sucks when you try to do the right thing. Kelso points out that Eric is lucky, because all he did was kill Donna's cat, and he'd give anything to be able to tell Jackie that all he did was kill her cat. Hyde tells them that it's sad when people break up, except this time, when it's funny, and Fez adds that if Kitty ever asks them if they're ready for their catheter, the answer is "No." On the Forman back porch, Jackie blames Donna for not telling her that Kelso is a jerk; Donna points out that she said exactly that quite often.
Donna asks if Jackie has seen Kelso since the break up, and Jackie says no, then adds that he's a liar and a cheater. Donna tells Jackie that Eric lied to her too, but Jackie pointed out that Eric different reason to lie is so that he wouldn't hurt Donna. Donna realize this and decides that maybe she over-reacted when Eric finally told her the truth; Jackie tells her to shut up. At the hospital, Kitty tells Fez that the bar closed early so they were able to find a surgeon to operate on him, then laughs. They put the anaesthesia mask over his face and tell him to count backwards from 100, which he does. As he drifts off, he has a fantasy/dream...Jackie, Donna and Laurie are "Fez's Angels"; they arrive with guns drawn and Donna kicks down the door. Inside the room is Kelso, with slicked back hair and wearing a white suit; he's standing over a case of TNT and tells them that he's going to blow the place up because he can't stand the thought of them being with Fez instead of him. While Donna holds a gun on him, Jackie grabs Kelso and Laurie kicks him in the face; Donna then picks him up and dumps him in a barrel, then makes a joke about how he's a barrel of laughs; all three girls laugh... Then the three of them are in the office, talking to Fez on the phone, telling him about the case. They ask when they're going to get to see him, and the shot changes to where Fez is: in a hot-tub full of women. Fez tells them that he won't be able to see them because he's in some hot water. Fez wakes up with Jackie standing over him in a nurse's uniform. She tells him that she loves him and wants him; he says that they have to wait to have sex... until the catheter comes out. Fez wakes up with Kitty standing over him and tells her, "I said no sex right now!" In the Pinciotti kitchen,
Red and Eric bring over a casserole for the Pinciottis in their time of grief, because Kitty made them do it. The Pinciottis are reminiscing about Mr. Bonkers, and Bob invites Red and Eric to join in with their stories of Mr. Bonkers. Red remembers how Mr. Bonkers would come into the yard, and Red would spray him with the hose... then Mr. Bonkers would run away and then come back and they'd do it all over again. He smiles and says, "I guess we had our own thing," then tells them to enjoy the casserole and leaves. Bob tells Eric and Donna that they have a Mr. Bonkers retrospective set up in the living room; he and Midge leave the room. Eric gives Donna the casserole and admits that he should have told the truth about Mr. Bonkers. Donna agrees that they have to be honest with each other, especially now... now that they've... she doesn't finish the sentence, but tells Eric that she doesn't want to end up like Kelso and Jackie. Eric says that that won't happen and points out that he lied out of the goodness of his heart; Donna points out that it was still a lie. Eric apologizes and pouts, so Donna kisses him, and says that they should have no more secrets. Eric tells her that he'll come clean, and admits that in the first grade, he used to call her "Donna Pinch-my-buttie." Donna laughs and admits that she was the first one to call him "Eric Foreskin." Eric doesn't laugh at that though, and points out that the name stuck.
In the Forman basement, Jackie tells the gang that breaking up with Kelso is great, and it's a new start for her to be a whole new Jackie; Hyde points out that she's still babbling like the old Jackie. Kelso comes in; Eric starts to leave, saying that they probably want to be alone, but Hyde tells him to sit back down, saying that this should be good. Kelso tells Jackie that he's done too many stupid things to count; Hyde puts in that he should ~try~ to count them, and Hyde will help. Kelso continues, saying that he loves Jackie and will try every day to make her happy so that she'll know that it's true, if she'll just please take him back. Jackie seems about to accept his apology, but then tells him that they're through forever. Hyde is surprised and says that he didn't see that one coming. Kelso leaves, and Jackie looks at Hyde, Eric and Donna and says that this is the smartest thing that she's ever done. Her voice starts to quiver as she says that it's the best thing; she starts to cry. Donna and Eric both stand up to hug her, but Jackie goes over to Hyde, throws her arms around his neck and starts crying on his shoulder; Hyde wonders why she always comes to him?
Starring
- Topher Grace as Eric Forman
- Mila Kunis as Jackie Burkhart
- Ashton Kutcher as Michael Kelso
- Danny Masterson as Steven Hyde
- Laura Prepon as Donna Pinciotti
- Wilmer Valderrama as Fez
- Debra Jo Rupp as Kitty Forman
- Kurtwood Smith as Red Forman
- Tanya Roberts as Midge Pinciotti
- Don Stark as Bob Pinciotti
- Lisa Robin Kelly as Laurie Forman
Quotes
- Jackie (voice) – (Kelso holds a picture of Jackie) You are a dog, Michael! A dirty, dirty dog! You are an idiot, and science is stupid! I have had it with you! You are weird, and I'm going home! If you're not telling the truth, I will find out 'cause I'm smart and you aren't! I am in love... with a doofus
- Kelso – (crying) oh, the memories!
- ―Breakups
Trivia
- When Jackie tells the gang that she caught Kelso cheating on her, Donna and Eric stand up to go comfort her, but Jackie goes to cry on Hyde's shoulder.
- When Laurie comes into the basement after Jackie leaves, her pants change from yellow acid wash to straight denim.
- Red shows a sign of compassion and sadness even while being his usual mean spirited self. He appears to be sad over Mr. Bonkers dying and that he would miss him despite their history.