Donna is horrified after she finds Eric masturbating in her bathroom. Meanwhile, Hyde and Fez go to the academy to visit Kelso, but what they find is a completely straight-forward, honest person, rather than the bumbling idiot they know. Donna wants to know why, but the answer horrifies her.
- Topher Grace as Eric Forman
- Mila Kunis as Jackie Burkhart
- Ashton Kutcher as Michael Kelso
- Danny Masterson as Steven Hyde
- Laura Prepon as Donna Pinciotti
- Wilmer Valderrama as Fez
- Debra Jo Rupp as Kitty Forman
- Kurtwood Smith as Red Forman
- Don Stark as Bob Pinciotti (credit only)
- James Avery as Officer Kennedy
- Eric – I'm Busy! (Eric closes door)
- Donna (to Jackie) – Oh my god.
- Jackie – Ew. Was he going to the bathroom?
- Donna – No. (both exit screaming)
- Donna – Dirty!
- Eric – Well we all know that, as a young man in the prime of his life. . . I have some needs.
- Fez – Amen brother.
- Hyde – Wait a minute, this is the prime of your life? You live at home with your mommy, and you have to wear a name tag at work.
- Eric – Anyway, today, at the house of the woman I was...theoretically going to marry...I had some needs that I felt it necessary to take care of right then and there.
- Hyde – In her house? Why don't you just do it at the bus station like the other degenerates?
- Eric – Well I don't know. There I was; there the bathroom was... It was like two trains passing in the night.
- Fez – That's beautiful.
- Eric – You know it kind of was. . . then Donna walked in.
- Hyde – No way! Fez – She didn't!
- Jackie – It's called a lesbian, Donna. You're going to have to go to New York for that.
- Hyde – Kelso, the fact that you're now totally lame would make me furious if I had the ability to feel any anger right now, which i thankfully don't.
- Kelso – I am not lame--I am grown up, and when you grow up, you play by the rules, which is why I am getting rid of this. (Kelso stands and exits to the bathroom)
- Fez – What is he doing? WHAT IS HE DOING?!
- Hyde – Don't worry Fez, He's just screwing around. (Kelso flushes toilet)
- Hyde – What?... BAGGY!
- Fez – Oh, no. He has broken you. (to Kelso) You broke Hyde you son of a bitch!